Sunday, May 24, 2009

My deepest fear


“It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.”

Speaking of Bright Star secondary school, I remember a speech that the principal gave one of the last few days before our graduation telling us about how we needed to grow up and become young adults as we were being set free into the real world. Now graduation from university is here and it’s like OMG....this is the real “real” world. No more depending on your parents for virtually everything, I mean obviously you still can if you want to but it’s different when you are a graduate, I don’t know about you but I would feel like a bit of a failure having to still depend on my parents after college. It’s like okay, now its payback time; they need to start reaping the fruits of the seeds they planted in your life. Now that’s the scariest shit especially with the whole recession thing going on now, it’s like our generation will be the next big losing generation since the great depression in the early 90’s. What to do now is the big question? I have no job (nope, not even pending job offers), no offers to further my education to post graduate level (well fingers crossed that should change in a few weeks) and I am left with the last option of going back to Nigeria. As amazing as being back with the rents is, and not living the suffer head life of a student, ransacking my wardrobe towards the end of the month every time looking for some change I might have left in a pair of jeans during my richer days of the is actually a very big downside to it. There are the busybody extended family, co-workers who (God forgive me) could either not afford or didn’t think education in UK was worth spending money on, who will be waiting to point fingers and make cheeky comments about the child who comes back home after the so called “golden” UK education with no job.......and then there is the traditional ones who think once you are done with education, for a lady marriage should be no 1 priority, and they’ll start practising their match making skills on you, pushing you to their childhood friends so called “responsible son”...tcheeew..pleasseeeeee I am not ready for all that crap, there too many fine boys out there that i haven’t finished scoping/lusting after yet....and I am barely 22 I want to enjoy my lusting days. Don’t get me wrong though there are just as many fine boys in Nigeria, but it’s easier to move around in the western world. We all knew from the onset, entering University that when the real world comes not all of us would make the top notch jobs (when I say us I don’t mean me and my girlies, I mean everyone in our generation) . Some would have to end up in demeaning jobs, others in averagely paid ones...etc...but when we all have dreams, we never want to think of ourselves as being one of those that won’t make, after all we all want the best for ourselves. I think this is what brought this post on, because lately I have had this reality check at the back of my head, thinking OMG what group will I end up in? How will i cope? God what do you have in store for me? .....

And then I think of this Mr. A whom I met during my internship last summer who was a driver, he went to school with my dad and they were really good friends, each day he saw me at work he would go on about how he was so proud of me and he saw me as his daughter, and that even though he didn’t make it, he’s glad my dad did, and he lives off my dad’s success which is good enough for him. I am like OMG this dude is so content with himself, initially I used to pity him but all that pity just went away. It’s amazing how people can deal with situations and I just hope and pray that whatever lies in my future God will grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change...My deepest fear now is....where does my future lie???



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